asurunner

So...its been forever! But I started reading Lauren's and got inspired to write some. Three weeks left of school, amazing! They always say it will go by fast, but geez, I remember move in day so clearly. Kind of scary. I'm ready to be done with freshman year though. Next year I get an apartment with 3 awesome ladies, and my car will be parked right outside my front door(I think only those who deal with state farm will understand how special that is), I will no longer be the youngin' childish freshman on the cross country/track team, and well....i'll just be a sophomore, yay! I'm so ready to just be home for the summer though. As much as I love it here, its nice just being in my own room, in my own bed, with my momma, and just relaxin'. The only bad thing...working all summer. Hopefully I will get the job at the YMCA as swim instructor (all day) I hope so I can help my parents pay for that nice little apartment of mine, ha.
Hmm...what else has been new. Oh, had some problems with the boy lately. Just stress I guess getting to the both of us and opposing ideas on certain things. But we talked and we're good now. Actually the past week has probably been the best week with him in a long time. Last Thursday night we watched The Incredibles and were just such in good moods....that night was the most fun I've had in awhile...it was great! And just think, next month it will have been 18 months...A year and a half. Now that is frightening. Seems so long, yet goes by so fast. Its probably been the happies, saddest, hardest, most fun 18 months though. There's been a lot of ups and downs, but only makes things better in the end, right? Yeah...I love you, babe!
It was a grogeous day today!!! Who knew it could be like 79 in Boone now? A week ago we had a blizzard and now....I layed out with some girls and a couple guys and got a tan, and my roommate Em got a nice burn on her back. Haha, it still looks like she's wearing a white bra top thingie from the back! Oh, sorry, hehe, love ya girl!
I can't wait to go home and get to see my friends though. I feel so bad because I just get so distracted and don't even think of the idea that, hello!, I can just pick up the phone and call them. I haven't seen anyone in awhile so I'm looking forward to reconnecting and hanging out and everything. Well, being DD I was up until 4:15 last night..or this morning. My little body can't handle that so I'm off to bed!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINZ!!!

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: The relaxing whir of my fan

What happens when the person you love seems like the person you should let go??? ...No matter how much you don't want to lose them

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: ...

Ok so I've been attempting to procrastinate at working on my papers due this week, and now that JD left....no one to talk to. So, I'm finding time to preoccupy myself with updating my journal...yay! Hmm...as sad as it is, I have to talk about all the things on my mind. So you may not want to read this journal, but actually just skip over it. So what's been on my mind lately is Kassel. Even though it has been over six months since the accident, I still find myself thinking about it and about him. I still don't understand it. How it happened, why it happened, why him, and why then??? It really just doesn't seem fair. Kassel was the most amazing person I have ever met. He had this amazing light about him that always made you smile when you saw him. He was always the first one to make sure you were ok, and the first one to try to cheer you up and make you laugh. And I miss all of that now. I miss going to school and seeing him every morning in Dotson's room. I miss him always wearing these polo shirts from random businesses and I miss him always wearing that wristband of his. I miss going to practice and seeing him in those ridiculous short red shorts that he insisted on wearing atleast once a week to practice and I miss dancing with me. We danced once at practice. He spun me around and dipped me and Meghan captured that exact moment on film. Both of us smiling up at the camera in mid-dip. I miss going to practice and seeing him and Eric goofing off as usual. I miss watching him run and seeing him in the ROTC uniform that he hated. I miss hearing him and Eric do the "Who's on first routine?" as they were practicing on the bus on the way to the Southview night race. And I miss him goofing off for me infront of my video camera telling the choke about the fatkid on the back of the motorcycle and saying "Woah....too fast slow down" and he pulled his face back. I miss running beside him as he stayed back with Janine and I to show us the way when we thought we'd be able to hang up with the guys on their longer run. I miss him and Eric saying I need to go to lunch with them one day because they knew of this awesome place to eat. And I'm sorry I never got to go with them. And I really miss him and Eric and Matt playing me the "Bum Bum" song on Valentine's Day after I bruised my tailbone sledding. And giving me the teddy bear with ace tape and a band-aid on his tail.I miss just hearing his voice, and hearing his jokes and going to visit him in drama when I needed to escape Mrs. Cooper in Newspaper. I miss playing him in Monopoly on his playstation and losing so badly that I had to morgage everything I had...atleast 2 times! My Mom was helping his mom set up for a Conference party and he showed me his room and let me play on his guitar and kicked my ass in monopoly. But for some reason I didn't really appreciate that time until now. I had made a plan at the beginning of the year to film all this stuff during cross country to make a video for Dotson of all the memories and after Kassel had filmed stuff I hadn't I asked for his help. And everytime he asked if I wanted to work on it...I couldn't. I had some stupid pathetic reason for not being able to and that is the thing I regret the most in my life. Why couldn't I have just cancelled one of the plans and go to his house and make the video with him and just have that quality memory. And I hate that I didn't make it and I hate that I didn't go to lunch, and i hate that I never got to spend more time with him than I did, and I hate that I took all the times I was with him for granted and I hate that he had to get in that stupid car that day and I hate that that tanker had to come at just that time and I hate that they had to turn left and I hate that he had to die and I hate that he is not here and I hate that I can't get over it!!!!!! Its just that I've never had to deal with that before and that it was my friend who was only 16 and had barely begun his life rather than like a grandparent who had had this long fulfilling life makes it just that much harder. I never had to go to a funeral before or a wake and I never had to see my friend lying there in that casket thinking that he would open his, jump out, and laugh and say it was all a joke. So cruel, awful joke. I hate that I keep thinking about it and I hate that I can't get over it and I hate that no one understands that. I miss him so much it hurts. And even though I think about all the good times it is no where near as good as when he was right there laughing with you at some hilarious joke he said. I love you Kas and miss you more everyday!

Current Mood: and angry
Current Music: Evanescence "My Immortal" (it reminds me of him)

Ok so its been awhile since I last wrote. I'm sure you are all just dying to know what is going on? Right, of course. So after not running for almost two weeks because of a retarded back (basically my hip flexor was tight which was pulling on my pelvis and making my lower back hurt...bet you wanted to know that)I am starting back running. Haha, let me just tell you I was dead after 20 min...which was the entire length of the run. But today Meg and I went for a run through and around campus and found this trail that just goes up the mountain and breaks off at all these random points. It was so adventurous!! There were roots and rocks and low overhead trees. I was just waiting for one of us to be clotheslined by one of them. It got so steep that running was no longer an option and climbing was basically it. But once we got to the top we could see all the mountains and it was so quiet and peaceful. So after a quick pee in the woods (there was no fire available) we headed back down. It was great!!
So I'm actually kind of frightened now because I am in suck a crazy and spastic mood and my roommate, Em, had coffee....oh geezus! Its scary enough when she just has coffee, but with me in the picture, all hell breaks loose.
And she has a new boyfriend, Adam. They are so cute together and he's sweet, just the right guy for her. And they are constantly sending cute little text messages and talking online....its so cute. Makes me think,holy shit, in like 16 days Mills and I will have gone out for a year. A whole year!! Amazing, I don't really remember not being with him, but then I do...I don't know. But it still amazes me how we are together. While we seem so opposite phsyically and uh...athletically (sorry babe). But we work and work well we do. He is so perfect for me, although we have our diagreements (a few more lately than usual) we are so quick to work things out and apologize. We just work and I could not be more happy than I am with him. He's my best friend and is always there when I need him, supporting me...even when he should be looking out for himself instead (You first M, then me).I don't know how to say how much he means to me, but I love you Mills!

Current Mood: loved
Current Music: Em's CD from Adam...more specifically "All This" Blink 182

FRIDAY!!! Yay, its finally Friday. God, this week has gone on forever! And so I have decided to run the meet this Sat. A decision I am now regretting after having driven up there and run the course today. That course is a TRUE cross country course. Running over gravel and road and grass and crushed up road and slanted hills and grass with hidden potholes...it should be interesting. At least when we got there we found out it was only a 3 mile race. Because i don't think I would have made it four miles on that one. I worry about my roommate, Emily, as well. She stumbles over herself on flat courses (no offense babe, I love ya) and now with roots and rocks thrown in the way...it could be deadly. I don't know, I'm guessing just show up there run it and have fun. There is no way I'm getting a PR on the course so I figure just enjoy it as real cross country. I am going home this weekend (yay) after the race, so I do get to see my friend, Chris (another yay!). It'll be a short trip, but a time to unwind and relax at home. Something I've been needing. So since I'm running perhaps I should be heading off to bed. I need my rest if I'm going to be dodgeing limbs and rocks. Yeah, and my boyfriend, Mills's parents and sister are up here for parents weekend so they are going to come watch me run. Not the best meet for their first cross country meet...and the first time seeing me run. Oh well, its all in fun!! Peace!

Current Mood: determined

Once again it is 1:00 in the morning and I am up restless in my room trying to find something to keep myself occupied. Lately, I have found it difficult to fall asleep (maybe because I'm not tired)and hope my restlessness does not disturb my snoozing roommate. Perhaps it is because I am torn over a not-so-serious dilemma, but still a big one. I can stay in Boone and run a four mile race this weekend (I usually only run 3 mile races, mind you) and not see my friend from Arizona run or my old high school team run. Or I can go home see everyone but maybe show my coach that I do not appreciate the opportunity to race, whereas to make up for that I would have to drive 3 and 1/2 hours down to Furman, SC and pay the $18 entry fee and pay for my own hotel just to make up for it. Hence the confusion. Coach swears that he would not judge me either way on what I decide, it is up to me...but somehow I sense I'm supposed to pick the race. What happened to the simple days of "yes" or "no"? "Yes, you can go over to your friend's house this weekend." Or "no, we don't want you spending money on that." I never would have thought it then, but I miss those younger days. You were told exactly what to do and never had to decide on compromisable positions like the one I am in.
Yes, I know this problem probably seems trivial to most, but topped on with the other stressers of college (grades, sports, boys...etc) it down right sucks! At least from my restlessness I was able to finish my homework for tonight and tomorrow night...I'm a dork, I know. So I guess that would be considered productive (Aside from the hour I spent playing HangARoo online. That game is so addicting!). Well the benadryl, or however you spell that wonder drug, is starting to kick in so I better head off to dreamland!
But first I must tell you of the amazing scene that took place in my dorm room last night....
So I'm sitting all quiet and peaceful at my computer doing homework when all of a sudden, WHAM! I'm nailed in the back of the head by a toothbrush! And who should the assailant be, but my roommate, Emily. The funny part, however, is that after she whacked me in the head she immediately threw her hands out and said "Oh, that probably hurt." Hmm...let's think about that? Nice plastic toothbrush slammed into fragile bone of my skull, nope no pain there! Ha ha, so it wasn't that painful and she swears she only meant to tap me [she's abusive, i swear ;)] but I love her so we're cool. Makes life interesting and lord knows we need that!

Current Mood: confused

Alright, I admit it. I was reading Kate and Mackenzie's and I got hooked. It just seemed so creative! So hear I am, writing my own live journal. Maybe give you a peak into the inner most cherished thoughts of my mind...or just bore you to death with the "exciting" details of my life. Hmm...if you can't tell by my name, I'm a runner. Yup, I somehow sacrifice my beautiful afternoons up here in the mountains at Appalachian to go...run. But I have to admit, it has its good days. For one, I've met most of my friends from the team. They are the coolest and might I add the craziest, the guys at least. They make some of the unbearable practices seem...not quite so unbearable?? Ok, that didn't sound as good as I thought it would, but you get the idea.
But I should share with you my highlight of the week. I bought a fishie!! Yup, I am now the proud owner of betta fish! I'm a mommy! It's named Dorie (from Finding Nemo if you couldn't tell) after my nickname from my high school coach. Granted it is a male betta fish, I hope the feminine name isn't too scarring. But let me just admit how pathetic my excitement over getting this fish was. It was pretty bad, still is. But I love my fish and makes my desk seem more lively. He's blue/green/purple and adds a little color to my room. Well perhaps I should get back to the homework i am avoiding by setting up this journal, but for now I leave you with an ingenious conversation between my roommate, Emily, and I
Emily:[Stretching herself in the doorway] "What if I got stuck in the doorway?"
Me: "Then the firemen would have to climb up through the window to rescue you!"
Alright, we are major dorks, but when we hit our goofy moods...watch out world!

Current Mood: lazy